Nigerian Catholic priest, Rev. Fr. Kelvin Ugwu, has shared how a lady ignored his counsel to marry her abusive boyfriend.
The priest shared the story in a lengthy Facebook post about domestic violence following the death of the late gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu, who allegedly died as a result of incessant abuse by her husband.
According to him, the lady was in an abusive relationship and had opened up to him that her man beat and raped her whenever she refused to have sex with him.
He claimed he advised the lady not to associate with the man, only to discover their wedding invitation two months later.
“The Gospel artist Osinachi and the story about how she died, if it is anything to go by, is very painful to read. But you see bah, anything concerning husband and wife matter. . . I have removed my hands tey tey. We can blame the woman for not leaving the man. We can blame the church or bible for teaching that there is no divorce. We can even blame blame for making us to blame.
But ehn, in the final analysis, the only person that can answer correctly why she did not leave the man, is the one that unfortunately is now dead. Even ordinary boyfriend and girlfriend matter is complicated sometimes. I have once counseled a lady who ran to me complaining about how her boyfriend beats her. She even told me that her boyfriend will beat her and rape her if she refuse to give in to sex.
Meahn… You needed to see my reaction. I was madddd. I tried to reach the boyfriend, but I could not. I told the girl never to have anything to do with the boy. I even went as far as involving the police and I gave her all the necessary info and details that will help her. Two months later, I saw the wedding invitation of the girl to the same boy. I called her and asked her what is happening. . .she told me they are still together and that she loves him and bla bla bla.
I tried to see her one on one to be sure she is in her right senses. When I saw her, there was nothing suggesting that she wasn’t normal. I personally did not want the marriage to go on, then she became angry. She asked me what is my business in her life’s decision? Chaiiiiii… I just shifted one corner, you know that face that Oga Sabinus usually make at the end of his comedy videos bah? That was me. That question just reset my medulla oblo…something something. I don forget.
There was a woman that even told me that her husband use to beat her, but anytime she remembers how good he is in bed, she will just forget everything. People like me cannot relate biko. I am a celibate; nobody should ask me questions. Women are complicated, men are too. When I think of Will Smith and his Wife. . .even from afar, I just feel something is wrong with the two, but Will Smith is not a baby. I don’t know what they know about themselves, so no matter all my analysis, it will come down to mere analysis.
The general advice I give to couples is simple: the vow, “for better for worst” is not a death sentence. The “worst” in that vow does not include a situation where your life is threatened and you do nothing, if that is so, the church won’t have made provision for a temporary separation. The fact that there is something like separation in the church’s teaching is a sign that if your life is in danger, you are not obligated to physically live with that person.
You may consider your children as the reason why you should endure the abuse or you may consider what people will say and all that. . . But be alive first so that you can also see your children and even enjoy the gossip from people who will be jobless enough to be on your case. Another thing I am pushing for and will fight for is that before you get married, you must have a psychiatric assessment and psychological test report, this should be compulsory and the church should independently do this on the couples planning to marry.
Some people are not normal and it is necessary you know the mental health of the person you are going to raise your kids with. I am out. I just renewed my priestly vows yesterday. I don leave marriage for una. I cannot come and go and kill myself.”